"Jagvar" (Jagvar)
04/04/2014 at 09:16 • Filed to: None
2
24|
"Jagvar" (Jagvar)
04/04/2014 at 09:16 • Filed to: None | 2
| 24 |
I was just getting ready for bed last night when the phone rang. It was bad news. Two of my closest friends, who had recently bought a home and had been together for four years, very suddenly split up.
I think just about everyone had expected them to get married. They just bought a great big house in the suburbs last summer, adopted a puppy, and were talking about starting a family. Things seemed to be going great. And she thought they were too, which is why she was blindsided when he moved out a week ago. I don't know what happened, and frankly, I'm not going to pry.
But it's painfully awkward when you're friends with both people in the breakup. Who do you invite to get-togethers? Him? Her? Both? Neither? And both are hurting and in need of friendship and support. How do you offer that to both sides?
It just makes me sad. Time and time again, people who seem to be happy end up losing out in the end. I want to know that people can actually make it, and that love isn't always fleeting.
Sorry for the feels.
505Turbeaux
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:20 |
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I have been 0n both ends. the friend and the break-upper. Best thing you can hope for is they stay friends enough so that it isnt awkward. Everyone will appreciate that. I am better friends with my ex than we were together. We have 2 kids together and a house we both own (that she and the kids live in) and we still have parties, go to baseball games etc. A little more glue than your friends but that is the best way it can be.
Lekker
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:21 |
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Yeah totally understand the feeling. I had to literally just do everything twice, once for each one of them so they wouldn't feel left out.
Sorry to hear about the feels and awkwardness the situation can create. I can imagine how they feel
mycarneverruns87
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:22 |
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I know the feeling and go through it more often than I want. Being the middleman sucks. There is no right answer here other than to just try to be there if they need you. Spend time with both but make sure it's not biased or just for pitty. Also, set boundaries about talking about the other person or using you to convey messages. That is not fair to you. Good luck
Brian Silvestro
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:22 |
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"No, I want to buy a Ferrari."
"But what about our future-children and their college funds!?"
"Why would I ever waste my money on people when I can have a supercar?!"
"It's either me or that Ferrari, choose!"
*leaves house*
Party-vi
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:23 |
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That's quite a drastic change. Also, I've got an engagement ring for my girlfriend and plan on proposing in May, so no every happy couple is doomed :) cheer up and go take the Phaeton for a spin.
davedave1111
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:24 |
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A while ago my wife had to tell off friends of ours when they did something similar. 'We are not part of your divorce settlement'.
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Brian Silvestro
> Party-vi
04/04/2014 at 09:24 |
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OPPOsaurus WRX
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:25 |
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Invite her over for a nice dinner and a couple bottles of wine and......probably not good advice never mind.
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Jagvar
> Brian Silvestro
04/04/2014 at 09:26 |
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Well, he does love his Wrangler an awful lot. But I also know that he really wants kids.
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Party-vi
> Brian Silvestro
04/04/2014 at 09:26 |
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hahaha well not another 30 or so days.
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Jagvar
> OPPOsaurus WRX
04/04/2014 at 09:27 |
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Yeah, I want to avoid becoming part of the problem. Especially since I'm not single myself.
PardonMyFlemish16
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:27 |
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Breakups don't have to end with the involved parties hating each other's guts. They will need time to regroup but it's very likely they will end up as friends. And 1 breakup is hardly indicative of every relationship ever. But yes, relationships can + do end, and that's not a bad thing.
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OPPOsaurus WRX
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:28 |
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haha that would be quite the crap show.
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Brian Silvestro
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:28 |
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Damn, so many unanswered questions. (really just one, why did they break up?)
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Brian Silvestro
> Party-vi
04/04/2014 at 09:29 |
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You can into marriage.
BrettAM
> Brian Silvestro
04/04/2014 at 09:34 |
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Uh oh. Was it DeMuro?
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Brian Silvestro
> BrettAM
04/04/2014 at 09:36 |
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Probably something he'd do.
thebigbossyboss
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 09:48 |
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My best friend did that a while ago. His ex kept encouraging me to hang out with her, one time I went, he got really pissed off. Things evened out in the end...but man...that sucked.
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thebigbossyboss
> Party-vi
04/04/2014 at 09:51 |
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I was going to propose in May too! But then I proposed in Feburary. Because race car!
BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires
> Brian Silvestro
04/04/2014 at 10:03 |
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She said it was me or the Ferrari...
...I could smell burning from the other side of town.
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Brian Silvestro
> BiTurbo228 - Dr Frankenstein of Spitfires
04/04/2014 at 10:05 |
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Worth it!
jlay
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 11:04 |
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Love isn't real
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Jagvar
> jlay
04/04/2014 at 11:06 |
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Ouch.
minardi
> Jagvar
04/04/2014 at 12:58 |
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Invite them separately for awhile so they can talk to you, confide, how they feel etc. I went through this many years back and my best friend followed this rule. After 10 years (!) we got (me and my wife) invited at the same diner party that she was also attending.